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Tag: self awareness
This is apart of a three part story about my shamanic Journey in Colombia, December 2016. The other posts are a Wondrous Heart Opening and The Legendary Kogi & Their Wisdom
I had many revelations and this one was extremely profound for me and I believe many of you will be able to relate.
One of our guides, Daniel Koupermann, who is also a Shaman among other wonderful things, has such wisdom! I remembered many of his words from our January 2016 journey in Guatemala, like quieting the noise in my head to get a new perspective on getting what I need. Funny, even writing those words “I need” seems a bit foreign right now. I know I don’t ‘need’ anything, other than survival stuff I suppose. I am committed to just be in the moment and in vibration with an open loving heart and a passion for life (If that’s a hopeful Cristina I like her). On this journey Daniel really lovingly pushed me. He said when he knows someone and cares he likes to help and that honored me very much.
We were sitting by a river, pictured on this post, and he asked for permission to share some observations about me, of course! He said, “Cristina, you have too many Cristina’s” = enters a bioluminescent firework explosion in my head of ok here we go. I will be paraphrasing most of this – I wish you could here his voice; he speaks slowly, thoughtfully and with great insight.
He said I am getting in my own way. I had been feeling some of this truth and even mentioned it in a group share I believe but his words penetrated my heart, mind and soul in a new way. As he spoke the truth about me I had streams of tears, but happy realization acceptance tears.
He said he had met the “Protagonist” Cristina, the “I want, I want” Cristina and the “I have more to say” Cristina…Yep. There are tons on the list but some that immediately come to mind are the insecure Cristina, the need for validation Cristina, the ego Cristina and the over sharing every detail Cristina. He said he was sharing this with me because I am ready to shed them so that the authentic Cristina, who is a bright light, can surface and live fully.
He said start by just observing them. I replied sure, I can see them and then say ‘thank you but go with love’ and he strongly said no, I must fight them. Don’t be kind to them because they will not want to go so get angry and fight like hell. He said I am a brave warrior (of light)…(Oh look, ego Cristina feeling the need to share that, lol)
He suggested putting a small stone or pebble in my shoe, nothing that would hurt, but something to remind me to observe myself more closely. After this conversation I became very aware of myself, I began to observe them and saw a loud Cristina, an over excited Cristina, the I get annoyed Cristina and the judgmental Cristina… yeah, wow, the list really can go on, a bit embarrassing.
And while taking a writing break during this post I found another Cristina I don’t like at all and am currently telling her to piss off and game on. In my heart opening post I said my heart was irretrievably open but an “I have the best walls, it feels safe and I like it” Cristina reared her head – dammit these 50 shades of Cristina are a real bitch but I’m ready to fight. Mental Ninja Time – May The Force Be With Me.
All that said, during this journey the authentic Cristina did come out because of the great wisdoms I was given that tore open my heart and energy in everyway possible. The openings for me on this journey were very deep so how could my authentic self not come out? I can see my light, connections and the transformations I shifted into during this trip. I found a deeper self-love and worth and I know this part of myself will continue to grow. I observed myself open and vulnerable and I like those parts of me, they can stay. I am very grateful and blessed to energetically be where I am now.
Daniel said listen, start with the big ones and don’t expect to get them all because it’s a life long journey – I’m ready, bring it, the gloves are off.
This is a two-part visualization is inspired by John Perkins who led a group of us through this in the Ecuadorian Rainforest and you can make it as short or as long as you want. Read through it first and then get comfortable and take a few deep slow breadths.
Imagine you are comfortably lying naked in a shallow river and the water is rushing around your body. Feel yourself letting go of fear, grief and any obstacle that you want to get rid of. Feel the river washing it all away. It’s washing away everything you do not need or want in your life. Whether it is emotions, situations or an unhealthy connection to someone let the river take it and feel it flowing away. Feel the release in your body, the lightness you feel from being letting go and being cleansed. Sit with this as long as you need to.
Now that you have let go and released its time to renew and refill the space you have just created. Step away from the river and walk into the forest. In your minds eye find the perfect place to lie on the ground. Imagine you are a seed and plant yourself into the earth. Feel yourself rooting and grounding. See yourself sprouting from a seed into a sprout and you slowly begin to grow into a tree. Your roots grow deeper and your trunk begins to grow strong and grow branches and leaves. You are growing tall and feel the sun feeding you and the earth strengthening you. Stretch out your branches and take in from the sun, from the heavens what you want. Take in love, strength, hope and everything positive you can imagine. Now let your inner light, your hearts light, shine out through your branches / arms just like real leaves and branches do. Really let yourself feel power and connection you have – feel it in your mind, body and spirit. Breathe it in and sit in this energy for as long as you like. End by getting up and stretching your physical body and give yourself a big hug. And if you are near a tree give it a hug as well:)