I had many revelations and this one was extremely profound for me and I believe many of you will be able to relate.
One of our guides, Daniel Koupermann, who is also a Shaman among other wonderful things, has such wisdom! I remembered many of his words from our January 2016 journey in Guatemala, like quieting the noise in my head to get a new perspective on getting what I need. Funny, even writing those words “I need” seems a bit foreign right now. I know I don’t ‘need’ anything, other than survival stuff I suppose. I am committed to just be in the moment and in vibration with an open loving heart and a passion for life (If that’s a hopeful Cristina I like her). On this journey Daniel really lovingly pushed me. He said when he knows someone and cares he likes to help and that honored me very much.
We were sitting by a river, pictured on this post, and he asked for permission to share some observations about me, of course! He said, “Cristina, you have too many Cristina’s” = enters a bioluminescent firework explosion in my head of ok here we go. I will be paraphrasing most of this – I wish you could here his voice; he speaks slowly, thoughtfully and with great insight.
He said I am getting in my own way. I had been feeling some of this truth and even mentioned it in a group share I believe but his words penetrated my heart, mind and soul in a new way. As he spoke the truth about me I had streams of tears, but happy realization acceptance tears.
He said he had met the “Protagonist” Cristina, the “I want, I want” Cristina and the “I have more to say” Cristina…Yep. There are tons on the list but some that immediately come to mind are the insecure Cristina, the need for validation Cristina, the ego Cristina and the over sharing every detail Cristina. He said he was sharing this with me because I am ready to shed them so that the authentic Cristina, who is a bright light, can surface and live fully.
He said start by just observing them. I replied sure, I can see them and then say ‘thank you but go with love’ and he strongly said no, I must fight them. Don’t be kind to them because they will not want to go so get angry and fight like hell. He said I am a brave warrior (of light)…(Oh look, ego Cristina feeling the need to share that, lol)
He suggested putting a small stone or pebble in my shoe, nothing that would hurt, but something to remind me to observe myself more closely. After this conversation I became very aware of myself, I began to observe them and saw a loud Cristina, an over excited Cristina, the I get annoyed Cristina and the judgmental Cristina… yeah, wow, the list really can go on, a bit embarrassing.
And while taking a writing break during this post I found another Cristina I don’t like at all and am currently telling her to piss off and game on. In my heart opening post I said my heart was irretrievably open but an “I have the best walls, it feels safe and I like it” Cristina reared her head – dammit these 50 shades of Cristina are a real bitch but I’m ready to fight. Mental Ninja Time – May The Force Be With Me.
All that said, during this journey the authentic Cristina did come out because of the great wisdoms I was given that tore open my heart and energy in everyway possible. The openings for me on this journey were very deep so how could my authentic self not come out? I can see my light, connections and the transformations I shifted into during this trip. I found a deeper self-love and worth and I know this part of myself will continue to grow. I observed myself open and vulnerable and I like those parts of me, they can stay. I am very grateful and blessed to energetically be where I am now.
Daniel said listen, start with the big ones and don’t expect to get them all because it’s a life long journey – I’m ready, bring it, the gloves are off.